On the bulletin board in my home office, I spotted this morning, three verses of a song I saved from church--He Knows My Name. The middle verse touched the really deep parts of my soul when I first heard it at Promise Keepers at Joe Louis Arena in Detroit several years ago. I was there with my son.
It spoke to a need that I've felt as far back as I can remember and it's one that I've carried with me ever since. I wanted something I never had. I wanted my father to say, "I love you, Wes." And, "I'm really proud of you." Never happened, even with a father figure type.
Now don't take me wrong. I'm not so scarred that I haven't been able to do that with my two kids. God has poured dump trucks full of blessing on me, one after the other. But, I still wrestled with that void.
And, then with my son, Justin, I sang this verse and it was like taking an electric shock paddle to my heart:
I have a Father:
He calls me His own:
He'll never leave me,
no matter where I go
The songwriter is Tommy Walker. I have no idea who he is, but he nailed it. That's what I always wanted. Sure, the answer was always right in front of me. I knew that, but I was never able to grab onto the handles in a way that I could make real to me.
Now, my heart's in a different spot. I think that I've got it. I can now say, "I have a Father."
My prayer is that others who feel that father absence open their heart eyes and see what's in front of them. It took me a long time to see what was always there.
I've always wondered about my dad, Claude H. Thorp, if he ever felt the presence of his father, earthly and heavenly.