Real guys are not supposed to admit this, but I feel my brokenness as a person. A friend suggested that when I showered each morning that I should examine my gender. Am I still a male?
Because of Parkinsons Disease, my body feels broken. I walk with a shuffle and bent way over. My joints, all of them, can really hurt. It takes me forever to get off a soft couch or chair. I have trouble communicating because of my weak voice. I'm losing weight when I'm not trying.
There's more. My father abandoned me and my mother when I was a baby. He simply vanished. No word. Nothing. I've felt the sting of that all my life. It's like a rattlesnake bite that never goes away.
Over the past two weeks, I found myself listening to the podcast Discover the Word where Ann Voskamp, author of the Broken Way, talked about her brokenness and how she viewed it. I first listened skeptically as she talked thinking that she was just another person who spoke to women who were facing marriage and kid problems.
Then I started to identify with what she was talking about. I could see it in myself. I was broken through and through, but I didn't want to admit it. So what should I do with that?
She has a cross on her wrist which she felt tipped on her skin. The answer is taking that lifelong brokenness to the cross of Jesus where he didn't want to suffer, but he did anyways. He said while on the cross, "Father, why have you forsaken me?" He can make me whole and that's what I want before I die and I'm planted in our cemetery plots in Okemos.
How long can I wear this cross that I felt tipped on my wrist? I need to be reminded everyday.
I will check back.